Tuesday, 21 April 2015

Do It For Yourself

A few things have happened to me recently that have really inspired me to write this post, it really has been a mix of circumstances but it has made me very reflective. I just really want this post to, in a way, promote a more positive and confident self image for both me and my readers because most people these days just sit back and let life just run past them. For the longest time I've based my actions off of how I believed people would react to them. My friend Leanne would tell you about the time I decided to quit sixth form and I wouldn't dare tell the teachers or my parents, I just didn't want to disappoint anyone. Leanne spent a good few weeks laughing at me as I chatted to everyone as if I was staying but in the end it was the right decision for me and I had to tell everyone.

Hiding behind someone else isn't the answer to all of your problems. For years I hid behind someone I called a best friend, I let her personality take over my own and whilst I'm not on speaking terms with her now I would still say that we shared some pretty great experiences because we fit together pretty well. I think it took me moving from sixth form to college to give us both a chance to be ourselves and really decide the sort of people we wanted to be respectively. We always joked that it was her who was the pushover because she was just so nice most of the time but really it was me because I was never a ruling force. Even now I still just go with the flow and let other people make decisions for me, I don't like saying no and I've just let people walk all over me.

I've dated people because I didn't want to say no and to be honest it's been more hassle than it was worth. I think in general people feel like they HAVE to be in a relationship and that's the mindset that you really don't want to be in, relationships don't necessarily determine happiness. Don't get me wrong, I'm not crapping all over relationships, I just think that you should never feel like you're settling or feel pressured to be with someone.

I would have to say that I let my childhood and teen years just go to waste just by being scared, I wouldn't go on boats, trains or planes and I certainly wouldn't try new foods and spices. I spent most of my schooling years hiding away after school because I just didn't feel comfortable with new people or experiences, I would use one word to describe those years and that's 'bland'. I was bullied in primary school and a little bit in secondary school and that just knocked my confidence right off, it's taken a long time to trust people and make myself be the adult I should be and I really just blame it on over-thinking and lack of motivation.

The more I let myself be ruled by other people, the more I seemed set on self destruction and there was a time when I felt myself slipping into unhealthy habits. I used to say that I wanted to be a scientist, a teacher or even a marine and as I got older I just let myself think that I wouldn't reach any of those goals and I would say that for a good four years I just didn't care. I laughed my way through my GCSE's, AS Levels and my BTEC Diploma so now I've started my apprenticeships it's just so refreshing to feel bothered about where my life is going to go.

I'm just saying that you need to be your own person, you need to overcome your fears and more importantly; you need to do it for yourself. Don't let anyone else's opinions dictate your life and don't waste the time you have on doing something that you hate because you'll never be happy. I'm twenty at the end of this year and I'm finally in a position that I'm happy with, some people don't ever get the chance so I'm incredibly lucky that things have fallen into place.

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